Soulless

Without you
I am soulless

Puzzle Pieces

Living in this shell
Can be a bit of heaven
And a bit of hell.

Thinking with this brain
Will keep me going
Yet drive me insane.

Holding with these arms
Will keep you steady
And keep you warm.

Loving with this heart
Will either kill me
Or make me a part
Of you.

I accept all consequences.

A seed grew,
without care,
without time,
without nourishment.
It grew on its own
and though there were those who tried to drown it,
those it loved who tried to starve it,
those it didn't know who tried to burn it;
that seed flourished,
because in the end
life still goes on.

Sentimental Fool

Sentimental fool and the resourceful tool.
Blinding reality, temptation is everywhere.
Don't speak.
What makes us who we are is what we do,
How we treat those close to us and how we treat the few.
Belief in the truth not in the ultimate good.
Resist darkness for it is everywhere even if not chosen to be seen.
People are not always who they seem.
They can stomp on hearts to satisfy their own,
and they always stomp on the sentimental fool.

The stars of the night are calling me home. That is where I belong. That is where my souls half resides. Oh that million mile separation burns through my core and leaves my ashes forever trapped in this limbo of my own creation.

Fixtures

Fixtures in life
tend to sink you to the core,
as people fade in the distance
leaving your eyes sore.
New fixtures may be invigorating
and leaving you wishing for more,
don't forget the people who have cared longer
they are the ones you should adore.

Lines on the Sand

I once walked a straight line
unknown to myself.
I was what others believed I should be.
I once walked a dotted line
unknown to myself.
I was a fraction of what I knew I should be.
I once walked a crooked line
unknown to myself.
I was what they wanted me to be.
I walk a solid line.
I am what I am.
I am who I am.
Independent and solitary of thought.
No one can touch this.

Being climactic in anti-climactic climes
makes us
victims of victimless crimes.

Oh Ye of Little Faith

Glistening flesh.
Succulent taste.
Slightly spongy,
crunchy, sweet,
yet tart.
Biodegradable; it won't last forever.
In evidence as it browns before my eyes.

Slave

Bonds are made to be broken right.
Things are not as they seem.
People do not do as they say.
People are not who they say they are.
Things change, people die and life goes on. I would hate to miss it.
There are so many pressures in life if you let them. Why can’t we be who we are. Impatience is the answer to that one.
It is easier to separate yourself from strangers and acquaintances than family and friends.
Is it strange to go down with the ship.
Why hold tightly to the past. Sure it has helped make you who you are but it also will stifle growth. Comparison is a cancer.
Why am I so easily satisfied and others not.
Why do people make their lives more difficult than living already is.
Why is everything I do considered incorrect.
Why is it not enough. I have always been pushed to be brilliant. I have neglected to live.
I feel as if I am being pushed around by bullies. Life is a pendulum.
I find happiness and joy in so many things, big or small. Does that lessen the strength of my happiness when compared to others. Does it make my happiness less valuable.
When things go wrong why do people exacerbate the problem.
Death is in everything and so is change. Both lack reference.
Only I can force things to be about me.
It’s dog eat dog, every man for himself. The roller coaster never ends, it just enters another loop.
Will we be alive to see it.
Will I ever win.
Knowledge is an escape from feeling the universe. To reside in your head imposing your opinions on the world.
Within frozen ice dwell many shades of blue.
Culture is a cage in which I refuse to be a slave to its intolerance, bigotry and sadness.
I refuse to be a symbol, to conform to that radical norm to terrorize and patronize those who are different from me.
My accepting nature pulls me apart and makes me alien.
There are degrees of ruthlessness. Just because I am not at the top of that tower does not make me weak. It makes me compassionate not altruistic.
Why do we feel as if we must be better than others.
I do not need a reward or recognition for the things I do.
Can a man live without God.

Drills

the heart is a harsh taskmaster
yet it is the mind that beats us all

When

When you are near
my soul is replete.

When you are far
my heart ceases to beat.

Timeless

Cohesion
United
I am whole.

Clarity
Radiant
This art is timeless.

Transcendent
Dazzling
A love sublime.

On An Abandoned Road

Dreams but dreamt now real.
Not quite what I imagined.
I used to enter these dreams frequently.
Now, not so much.
There exists all of my imaginings, stray stories.
He used to enter them frequently, back in April.
Then not at all.
Now He is back again.
Why do I dream of school and Him?
What does it mean to dream of abandonment?
You can only abandon that which you've possessed, cherished, defended or retained.
By that definition I cannot call this abandonment.
The ocean tide is shifting.
My confidence has been amplifying.
This makes me exuberant.
Over the past 3 years I have felt my independence wane.
I had become weak.
Gleefully I can say that my independence has reared its head again.
My strength has always come from within.
Liberation is within my grasp.
I can feel it against my fingertips.
I control my thoughts and emotions. They do not control me.
The more I am pushed, the more I rebel.
Stubborn.
Only I have lived my life.
Only I possess the ability to live this life.
Viva La Vie Boheme.

11.9.09 Scarlett tutu

Scarlett tutu
Shoes of baby blue
Tip toe around my heart
My precious little dancer
Leotard of pink
Disharmonious black shoes
Your tap tapping is music to my ears
How graceless, how clumsy
How beautiful you dance
My little bit of sunshine
My little bit of hope
Inspiration to my soul
And apple of my eye
Though still but an image in my mind
I am sure I will see you one day
When things are together and stable
for loves everlasting
I can't wait to meet you
I can't wait to teach you
I can't wait to hold your hand in mine
As we dance our silly little dance
both of us divine
You in your scarlet tutu and me in one of wine

10.3.09 Artifice

Onward march
Outward shine
Forward thinking
Backwards time
Superficial lives
bespoke of thine
Love not artifice
Love of mine
Though not regarded
things will be fine
Love and life endures

Hibernate

Oh sweet bed.
How I wish to draw those covers over my head.
And hibernate
until the pain goes away.
But things must be done
and time is of the essence.
It seems I must change for everyone else.
And time that does take
if it is possible at all.
I wish I could hibernate.

TTSC

This thing is not how it should be; it should not be this difficult.
Am I not whole?
I feel deprived.
Malnourished.
Am I severely lacking or is it not meant to be?
Am I meant to walk this road alone?
Do I know where I should be or am I already there?
Have I always been?
Have I really changed or have I just compromised?
When I turn around all I see is a haze.
Why do I feel as if I am walking backwards?
Dog eat dog.
Beloved adjacent to neglect in this bipolar space.
Leeches surround me.
They try to bleed me dry.
I give too much to these bloodsuckers, these soul extractors.
I should imbibe.
I have no use for spoiled children.

Epoch

When time slowed to a stop,
day was night and night was day;
and as those roman numerals slowly sank into each ocean,
time was no more.

Beautiful Blueberries

Amidst those beautiful blueberries
are frozen leaves of dew.
An area where trees dream of centipedes,
and white picket fences are the lines between the real and unreal.
Where snow blankets the earth and the air nips at my ears.
A place where the ocean inhales whilst the mountains exhale,
where history begins and ends.
An environment in which falling stars are caught in nets made of cotton and books are read from cover to cover.
In this niche I started anew but your past life you still retained.
That is where I realized to whom you will always belong.
Amidst those beautiful blueberries
is where I found and I lost you.